Healthy Negotiation 101: How to Get What You Want
Welcome to Negotiation 101!
From childhood to adulthood, there are many crucial life skills that are developed. We learn to communicate, create relationships, manage finances, and so much more. One skill that many of us are introduced to, but perhaps haven’t mastered yet or have the tools to practice in a healthy and constructive manner, is negotiation.
Healthy negotiation is practiced in many aspects of life, from family and relationships to your career and overall participation in society. If you’re looking to sharpen your negotiation skills and take a healthier approach to your communication, problem-solving, and more, this article is for you!
Why Negotiation Is Important
Having the ability to properly negotiate may be the key to your success in your life. Or at least contribute to it! Often seen as an important skill to have when bargaining, being able to negotiate constructively can help you in many areas of your life.
It isn’t just about getting a great deal on a product or service. Negotiation can help advance your career, navigate conflict in a relationship, create healthy boundaries within your family unit, and so much more.
What Does Healthy Negotiation Look Like?
Healthy negotiation can help you and another party to find a win-win resolution or a negotiated agreement that is mutually beneficial.
With the right strategy, tactics, and communication, you can navigate your negotiation while still maintaining trust, respect, and civility with the other party involved - all while getting what you want!
Negotiation 101: 7 Elements to Bring to a Constructive Negotiation Table
1. Your Goal
Determining a goal can help to outline the criteria of negotiation. By providing yourself with an outcome to work toward, you can better plan, strategize, and communicate with the other party.
Questions to ask before negotiating can include:
What is the goal?
What do I/we want to accomplish?
What would result in a positive outcome?
What is the measurement of success?
What are possible alternatives to the goal?
What are my/our deal-breakers?
It’s easy to go off track during a negotiation, no matter the variables or situation. With multiple people involved with varying opinions and ideas to communicate, the room can quickly become filled with different voices and even steer away from the main objective.
By outlining a goal, it can be much easier to get back on track and bring ideas full circle.
2. Preparation
There are a few things to take into consideration when preparing for a negotiation. This can include finding basic information about the other party, determining your strengths and weaknesses (and theirs), researching negotiation tactics, and outlining your goal(s), along with any talking points.
It may also be helpful to determine your authority to make binding commitments or agreements, along with any hard timelines or boundaries that must be respected or upheld.
A negotiation coach can help you with your preparation and help you feel more confident going into the interaction.
3. Strategy
Through your research, you will likely find information regarding negotiation techniques. This can include techniques you may encounter from the other party, as well as those you may want to have in your toolbox. Please keep in mind that some strategies are fair and respectful, while others simply “play dirty”.
Your strategy should take into account strengths and weaknesses on both sides, along with how your strengths can contribute to your end goal. If the other party chooses to use a certain bargaining tactic, you need to be ready to object, diffuse and keep things on track.
Some strategies, good and bad, can include:
Take it or leave it
Exaggeration or misrepresented facts
Commitment limitations
Inviting unreciprocated offers
Good cop, bad cop
Belittling the alternatives
Insults and feather ruffling
Shock value statements
If the other party appears to be standing strong with their position and simply will not budge, be prepared to walk away from the table. You can always pick negotiations back up at a later date. Knowing your deal-breakers in advance can help you feel confident in making the decision to pause or walk away.
An important part of any strategy is to plan alternatives.
In the case that you cannot come to an agreement, having a set of alternatives or a backup plan can help to keep the ball rolling. It can also help to ensure that both parties do not walk away empty-handed.
Learn more about preparing for a difficult conversation.
4. Self-Awareness
Knowing when to stop talking and listen to the other party is key to a successful negotiation. Even after the other party has agreed to your terms, continuing to talk and drive down your point can often come across as aggressive, negative, or even lead to the other party walking away.
Constructive negotiation is equally about talking as it is about listening. You should always provide the other party with equal opportunity to state their case and communicate their needs and wants.
It’s also important to keep in mind that once you have said something, it cannot be taken back. Take your time to listen, contemplate,e and then communicate your response.
Dealing with a narcissist? Then different rules apply. Learn how to negotiate with a narcissist in 7 steps without losing your sanity in the process.
5. Respect
Keep your negotiation constructive by maintaining a respectful atmosphere. If the other party objects, don’t get defensive. Instead, ask for clarification and get specifics.
An objection also provides you with the perfect opportunity to listen and formulate a strong response. Interrupting or rebutting too soon may leave the other party feeling disrespected or as though they weren’t able to properly communicate their thoughts and opinions.
Trying to win an argument will not get you what you want, decreasing the odds of coming to a win-win resolution.
Instead, sit back and listen, then provide the other party with a response once they are finished.
Treating the other party with respect will also help to ensure a smooth transition as you come to a possible agreement and progress toward a mutually beneficial outcome.
6. Highlight Your Strengths
Set the tone for your negotiation by highlighting your strengths early on. By taking maximum advantage of the strengths that you bring to the table, you can add bargaining power and establish a strong foundation for your case.
Highlighting your strengths early on can also help eliminate the need to play catch-up later on, which can come with its own set of difficulties and potentially leave you at a disadvantage.
7. Exchanging Offers
The offer is about so much more than just a dollar amount. It will include all notable elements of the deal and negotiation.
Depending on the situation, it may account for:
The price and all financial details
The scope of responsibilities, work and timeline
The included products and/or services
Warranty, terms and conditions
You may wish to present your offer in writing and include specifics.
Likewise, once you reach an agreement, for best results, you may wish to put the terms down on paper to avoid any miscommunication.
What Is the Best Negotiation Tactic?
Many people search for the single 'best' negotiation tactic, but successful negotiators combine multiple complementary approaches for the strongest results. You should adapt your skills to each unique situation and stay true to the principles of healthy, constructive dialogue.
That said, here are some examples of negotiation tactics to help the other party get over their reservation point:
Active empathy allows you to truly understand the other party's position beyond just their stated demands. What are the other person's underlying motivations, constraints, and concerns? This deeper understanding reveals opportunities for creative solutions that might otherwise stay hidden.
BATNA, or the best alternative to a negotiated agreement, represents your strongest fallback option if negotiations fail. Understanding your BATNA strengthens your position because it gives you a clear walkaway point. It also helps you assess the other party's alternatives, giving you insight into their potential flexibility.
The win-win technique focuses on creating value for both parties rather than simply dividing existing resources. Try identifying shared interests, exploring multiple options, and crafting solutions that expand the benefits for both of you. When both parties feel they've gained something meaningful, they're more likely to follow through on agreements and have positive relationships.
Your negotiation success often depends on more than just tactical knowledge.
Building your executive presence - through confident body language, clear communication, and professional demeanor - creates a foundation of credibility that makes your negotiation tactics more effective.
Salary Negotiation 101
Recent research has challenged traditional assumptions about gender and negotiation - it turns out, 54% of women negotiate salary offers compared to 44% of men.
Successful salary negotiation hinges on three key elements:
Comprehensive research of industry standards
Clear articulation of your unique value proposition
Proper timing of the discussion
Before entering any compensation conversation, gather as much information and salary data for your role, location, and experience level as possible. You should also document your specific achievements and their impact on business outcomes – revenue generated, costs reduced, processes improved, etc.
Then, wait for the right moment in the hiring process when you have maximum leverage/upper hand, typically after the employer has invested time in interviewing you and decided you're their top choice but before accepting the formal offer.
Involving a Neutral Party
Depending on the nature of your negotiations, you may want to include a neutral party, such as a mediator or coach. This person can help to ensure a fair, respectful, and successful negotiation.
If tensions are running high or communication is no longer effective, the neutral party can step in and recommend a change in approach, recess, or to continue at a later date.
Building Your Negotiation 101 Skills
Are you looking to build or sharpen your negotiation skills? Here is an action plan to help you get started on the right track:
Take a proactive approach through research, planning and preparation.
Practice often with help from a coach, colleague, superior or mentor.
Be prepared to make mistakes and, even better, learn from them.
Put pen to paper, play “devil’s advocate” and find the holes in your strategy.
Find a negotiation coach who can help you to sharpen your skills.
Depending on who you're dealing with, negotiation 101 becomes more difficult but not impossible - learn what to do if you're dealing with a mean girl!
FAQs
What Is the BATNA Strategy?
BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) is a strategic safety net in negotiations. This approach means identifying and developing your strongest backup options before entering any negotiation, which helps you understand exactly when to walk away from a deal. It can help you strengthen your alternatives during the negotiation process (ex: get more job offers, research different vendors, and develop any kind of an alternative solution). In other words, BATNA increases your negotiating power.
What Is the #1 Rule of Salary Negotiation?
The fundamental rule of salary negotiation is to negotiate based on value, not need. Your compensation should reflect the concrete value you bring to an organization through your skills, experience, and measurable achievements. Your discussion should be focused on how your contributions will impact the company's bottom line, so the conversation shifts from 'what you want' to 'what you've earned through demonstrated performance and potential.'
How Low Should You Go When Negotiating?
There's no arbitrary number or concept that applies to all negotiations. Calculate your walkaway point based on concrete factors like your alternatives and market rates. There's always room for flexibility, but going too low can damage your long-term potential and relationships because it shows that you undervalue your contributions.
How Do You Negotiate Perfectly?
There's always room for improvement when it comes to negotiation! There's always an opportunity to become more confident and articulate. That said, your goal shouldn't be to win every point or argument. Instead, focus on achieving optimal outcomes while maintaining your relationships. Enter the discussion with clear goals and boundaries, stay flexible and self-aware, and keep an open mind.
Need Help with Your Negotiation Skills or Reaching an Agreement?
Negotiation 101 is a fundamental tool for creating positive change and mutual benefit in both your professional and personal lives. Many people instinctively avoid conflict, but productive disagreement actually strengthens relationships and leads to better outcomes for everyone involved.
If you need help, learn about my 1:1 coaching services, or join The SUM Ascend, my group coaching program for ambitious leaders!
